The Good News?

*I started this post before Christmas and didn’t get a chance to finish it. I decided to post anyways because though they holiday may be over the content is still relevant to me.

I struggle during most holidays. Valentine’s Day is commercial fodder. Saint Patrick’s Day has little meaning due to me not being Irish ( I know, we’re all Irish on Saint Patrick’s Day!). Fourth of July is hard for me to digest because of my abhorrence to violence and death (though I understand even my ability to write this blog is a freedom afforded to me partially due to military conflict). And I’m not that big into blowing shit up. Memorial day and Labor day just become Monday’s I get paid not to go to work. Halloween is OK - I’m just not big into dressing up in costume, eating candy and being scared shit-less (sorry Haze!). Thanksgiving has the whole Native American slaughter and displacement theme (which we should all be in support of changing to Indigenous People day and making Black Friday a horrid mistake of the past. To be so thankful for all we have one day and loose our mind the next over a loss-leader toaster seems to prey on our lesser selves, don’t you think?). It’s also hard for me to be so thankful for all that I have when the majority of the world is living in poverty and suffering (see my previous blog “The Death of Suffering” for deeper insight on this subject). New Years - I actually like New Years. It’s a great time to be with people you love and reflect on the past year and either drink it away or have one last night of indulgence because the next day you’re getting your shit together! I like New Years.

And then there’s Christmas.

Christmas is a cheesy holiday for the most part. The whole Santa thing doesn’t do much for me - probably because I don’t have kids and growing up the Santa thing was not pushed on us due to Jesus being the “Reason for the Season”. Christmas Carols are terrible. No no no - they’re terrible. The decoration and lights are a pain in the ass to put up and take down for only 30 days of enjoyment and 11 months of storage. I don’t like candy canes. Gift giving has become swapping of things you could just go buy yourself. But before you think I’m a total Grinch (most of you probably already think I am) - I don’t mind any of this for the most part. I have nieces and nephews that I like to surprise and spoil. Though Carols are terrible I can tolerate them for short bursts - just don’t ask me to sing them with genuine cheer (I’ll get to the Christ-themed ones soon). I put up lights in the freezing cold and enjoy the comfort of the lit tree being the only light on during a dark evening. I still don’t like candy canes and I’m all for exchanging gift giving for quality time spent with family and friends. Oh, and I love snow!!!

But then there’s the Good News. The birth of Jesus Christ. The “Christ” in Christmas. The part of the holiday that brings me so much internal strife.

I would love to sing “Silent Night” with my eyes closed on Christmas eve (maybe the only truly good carol - and maybe Josh Groban’s version of “O Holy Night” - it’s pretty chilling). I would love to sit and listen to the Christmas story with a feeling of awe and renewed hope. I would love to light the advent candles and share in the timeless traditions that bring many people peace. But even though I would actually love to do these things - I can’t seem to do them. I can’t because I don’t believe them to be true. And I’ve asked myself many times - “if you don’t believe them to be true then why not just participate. You don’t believe Santa is real yet you can adopt that tradition - why not this one?” We can sing of Santa because no one that’s over the age of ten believes he’s real. Millions upon millions believe that the story of Christ is true. They believe it’s the truth that all other truth is based on. How can I sing of something that I don’t believe to be true when others who sing it have literally based their entire existence on these words? This is where my struggle begins - with the good news.

What is the good news? The good news is that god loved his creation so much that he sent its only son down to earth in the form of a man to then give his life so that humanity could be saved from it’s evil ways and be reunited with its creator. On the surface - this actually sounds like good news. There is fucked up shit that happens on the daily around the world that proves that humans are broken in some fashion. And on a spiritual plain that brokenness may even be in need of something to save it from itself. But it’s the details and the entirety of the story that makes this “good news” virtually impossible for me to swallow.

Let’s start at the beginning and break it down. God created the world in its’ own image. (For the sake of the discussion I’m giving into the idea of intelligent design. There is no real proof of our existence only theory - so we are going with this theory for this argument). It then gave creation choice (I’m eliminating the ridiculous tree of good and evil serpent fall of man story. It’s completely unnecessary to explain the idea of free will and sin in a modern world and frankly makes Christians sound very hypocritical when they denounce other religions because of their “made up doctrine” while clinging onto the two naked people in a garden story who ate some fruit because a lizard told them to and then fucked all of humanity. Stop it). Creation chose choice over Yahweh hence pointing all of creation down a dark spiraling path of “sin” and separation from its creator. This separation now exists from the moment you’re born. After Abraham moved away from polytheism to monotheism the only thing that kept you in good standing with a jealous and angry god was a massive set of rules, blood sacrifice and … oh ya - being the chosen people of Yahweh (Sorry all other civilizations in old testament times that were beyond the reach of trade and transport and weren’t Hebrew- according to the bible you’re fucked!). Now lets fast forward a couple thousand years of ups and downs, promises and prophesies, prosperity and suffering. But when that perfect moment had finally come Yahweh put a baby in a virgin girl (creepy) and that baby would grow to be a man who would die for the sins of all men with unconditional love and grace (except for the condition of accepting him as your lord and savior into your heart making you into a new creation in Christ, disregarding all of the old teachings that people followed for thousands of years because they were told it was the only way to God, but now it isn’t the way to God, this is the only way to God, got it?).

So in all of that my problem is I don’t see any good news? I see a God who created a flawed creation and then made said creation responsible to seek and accept forgiveness and redemption for its failures from the same God that created it flawed to begin with. I see a God who created a bunch of people who were disposable in order to have context for it’s story of grace and love. I see a God whose timing allowed it’s own “chosen” people to suffer for thousands of years before changing the rules by eliminating the rules. I see a God who killed it’s only son because it loved it’s creation so much it wanted universal atonement - except that if said creation doesn’t accept the son it will be separated from Yahweh for eternity. I don’t see any good news.

And if you see good news in all of this - then I’m glad for you. I truly am. I hope that in this good news you have a peace that I do not have and thought once to understand. But I just want you to be OK with all that is attached to it. The inconsistencies. The lack of any logic or reason. The death of millions in ancient scripture. The isolation of the story compared to the rest of the world. The suffering then and now.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to enjoy Christmas - or any other holiday for that matter. But I do recognize pain. I empathize with it. It aches my mind and body. And though I have no answers or “good news”, I do have compassion and love and a desire for equality and inclusiveness. And its a struggle for me. Probably my greatest struggle. To preach unity and acceptance but fight against oppressive thinking and actions. I scream that everyone needs to love and accept everyone - except I have immense trouble accepting Christians and Conservatives due to the damage I believe they cause with their exclusive doctrine and disregard for the people on the margins. I want to say “As long as your faith leads to a universal love instead of a selective hate we can break bread together” when I should say “All are welcome anytime. Let’s live life together”. One might say - “Well that’s what Jesus offers! Its through his sacrifice we are saved through grace by faith!”. And I will continue to say that the acknowledgement of atonement validates a failed creation. A failed creation points to a flawed creator. And the idea that one is imperfect and needs to be “saved” or “reborn” prohibits ones ability to truly love for who one is. It’s the idea that “I love you unconditionally - except you need to change in order to show the fruits that you accept the free gift of grace. But there’s no conditions. Just come as you are. But as soon as you get here you’ll realize you’re a wretch and need saved”. (See - I told you it may be my greatest struggle!).

But in all that lies the good news. The evolution of self to see the good in all. Extracting the good and building upon it. Listening and experiencing all types of lives to gain further understanding which leads to deeper depths of love. To dine with your enemies. Listening instead of shouting. Hearing instead of arguing. Questioning instead of demanding. Living instead of judging. If there is any good news its that I hope (and believe) we as humans can continue to strive for these things. Whether its through faith or nihilism - lets sit and talk and learn to love again.